Dear Michael,
I would first like to point out that the real reason your marriage is on the rocks is not because the Aluminium/aluminum debacle. It’s because she is truly in love with me. Yes it’s true because she told me, but I digress.
Now let’s get back to the subject at hand. According to Microsoft word Aluminium is the wrong spelling and as we all know everyone relies on Microsoft to tell them that Aluminium is not correct. I for one like to pronouns that word ALUMINIUM because I want to sound smarter than the people around me. Now say it with me AL-LU-MIN-IUM, there now do you feel smarter. This reminds me of my younger brother who goes out of his way to throw in a new word he found on the internet that day (i.e.: “My, that was a facetious remark.”). Again with the digression.
Anyway, I think you are bringing up this old debate of Aluminium proportion, because you want to look smarter than your wife. I for one cannot say you are the smart one because you think “monkeys” is the correct spelling for the band when in fact it is “the Monkees”. Shame on you Michael, shame. Isn’t Davey Jones One of your people; Funny talking, British Empire types?
Oh yeah and you are correct about other people writing the Monkees tunes, well most of them.
Always in a state of intoxication
Lounge.

Dear Lounge,
Me again, but this time on a more pressing matter. There has been much talk regarding the Jade Monkey. While anyone can get A Jade Monkey on eBay or in Chinatown, can you shed more light on the original Jade Monkey?
Drinking Responsibly,
Michael
PS. Can you also highlight to your readers the differences between “monkey love” as opposed to “Christian love”?

Well Michael, you are correct in the fact that anyone can amble on down to Chinatown and pick up A Jade Monkey but they won’t find THE jade monkey. The original Jade monkey is shrouded in mystery. One theory was that the Jade monkey was created when Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris were filming the final scenes of “Way of the Dragon”. The sheer force of the two Powers made a small Kitten explode and what was left, after the dust cleared, was a large piece of jade in the form of a monkey. This Jade monkey was in fact bigger then the kitten, poor little bastard.
It is said that the Jade monkey gave Bruce and Chuck the Omnipotent power of the gods and will also give those who hold it the same powers, hence their reason to hide the object, somewhere in the Amazonian Jungle from those who would abuse it’s powers.

As far as monkey love Vs. Christian love; my opinion lies with monkey love being wild crazy love making as opposed to Love Monkey : A Novel or even Love Monkey the TV show based on the book which stars that guy from Ed who plays a record exec who is “all about the music”. Haven’t seen it and actually would like to see if it wasn’t on CBS and if I didn’t stop watching TV. But I digress, as usual. Christian love would be not so wild sex with a televangelist who likes to get beaten.
There’s that
Constantly in an alcoholic haze,
Lounge

Why are socks black? Does it depend on the color of ones soul?

Michael,
Recent studies have shown that there is a direct correlation with one’s soul and the color of their socks. For instance I was known to constantly wear white tube socks for any occasion be it black tie events or even swimming (I love the sloshing sound of wet socks). Note: wearing your sneakers after swimming with tube socks and walking a few miles in the heat of August is a bad idea. But I digress. After many years my soul was slowly being crushed by the weight of the world and the socks I purchased were becoming darker and darker until they can no longer get any darker. So I can say: Yes to part two of your question.
As far as part one, I am unsure of what kind of socks you talking about. The black socks I purchase are black tube socks. The other type of black socks I know of are what I used to refer to as “party socks”. Reason being is that, were I grew up, men would only wear them to church or parties. It is a thin, nylon type of sock made of some poly-vinyl blend rendering the feet to be un-breathable creating the worst smell after a full day of wearing them in a leather shoe. As far as I’m concerned this is the worst of the black sock spectrum since these socks are usually worn by suits on a daily basis.
There you have it. Remember socks are your feet’s friend, don’t underestimate them.

Hey, How is Jason doing down in Panama?
J

Weeeell, as some of those who read the most unreadable blog in the world know, Jason is my brother who went off into the wild wild depths of the Panamanian jungle. Why, you ask? Well because he joined the Peace Corps and that is where they sent him. You can read some of his exploits here “Live from Panama”.
Several months after he left I went to a friend’s birthday party to discover Jason standing in the doorway. It looks like things were getting pretty bad there and was going to get worse when they were going to send him to a reservation were they didn’t speak Spanish much less English. He wasn’t the only one who left also. Jason is now a teacher down in south Jersey.
So there you have it, first question done. I have another one which is in several parts and I will answer them soon.

OK Folks I’m starting a new Topic.

Just ask me anything, anything.

send an email to ask@lugo-lounge.com and I will answer all of lifes questions.