“What Not to be” in a Godzilla flick

When I was unemployed, I found that I had a lot of time on my hands. Using this time wisely is an arduous task. So I decided to have a Godzilla marathon. What better way to whisk away the hours. I dug though boxes and pulled out my old video tapes and rented some DVD of the ones I don’t have. After Godzilla vs. generic Monster #24, I noticed that it sure must suck to be some of the people in the Godzilla world. In that thought I decided to jot down some of the people that it must suck to be, in those movies.
Note: I posted this years ago on my old site, goes to show how lazy I am.

Helicopter or Jet (or a helicopter that transforms into a jet) Pilot – Now here is a good one, I’m flying around in my heli/jet and I see a hulking, atomic fire breathing, lizard crushing it’s way towards Tokyo, that has crushed through it many times before, hmmmm I’m gonna head right at him, ’bout face level and try to…. ahhhhhhhh
Pilot of any vehicle with an X in it – call it what you will, weapon X, Super X, the X-wing. we definitely have a weapon that will stop Godzilla in his tracks, trust me, it barely has any miles on it.
Owner of any small seaside/roadside noodle hut – The big G usually shows up when they are trying to close up the place and those drunken knuckleheads at the counter want more sake.
The lone, very old nighttime fisherman (ala old man and the sea) or very old survivor of the lost fishing boat – we all know how Hemingway died but this guy always lives to tell the tale. He is usually one of the drunken knuckleheads from the previous one.
Those poor bastard who decided to evacuate the city using public transportation – especially the ones who uses the elevated trains. The big G just pops them like a Pez? dispenser.
Any alien that is hell-bent on world Domination – from a distant planet, quasar, galaxy, or universe. Usually has the letter X in it. Most of the time they’re giant roaches disguised as Klaus Nomi.
Those poor, poor men in those tanks – Don’t those guys know that plastic melts and if it melts on you, it burns like a mofo. Though my fave tank is the super-duper electric-fazer one. Some one send me a picture of one please.
Enemy Monster – those wannabee Godzillas don’t got what it takes, they try and dis the big G but they always get a beat-down by the big G. peep this guy, he’s all like, ” look at me I can be Godzilla too waaaaaaa”. But of course, punks jump up to get beat down.
Any young schoolboy – I would Kill anyone if they tried to make me wear those little, short-shorts. No wonder he got picked on by those bullies, who are all wearing the same shorts. How in the hell does he run in those. He even took on two, evil, Yakuza-looking robbers in them.
Now that we got all the “what not to be” out of the way. There is only one I would like to be… Jet Jaguar This guy rocks. A toy robot that reprogrammed himself to grow Godzilla size and help him fight the wannabees. Look at him doesn’t he rock, oh did I mention, he flies too.
Rock on Jet Jaguar. Even the name Rocks. hmm cool name for a band. Better then my old name, “White flight”.