Duct Tape Is What Keeps This World Together

A few years ago I was rocking out on my bass when I broke the pick guard (don’t ask). I was annoyed. That piece of plastic hanging there by a single screw and make a buzzing noise when I play chastised me, making me feel less then the man that I already am. I know, I know, You’re saying ” but Danny any noise is a good noise compared to your noise”. But that’s neither here nor there it was still annoying me and I had put an end to this.

I searched my treasure trove of tools and tried good ol’ crazy glue, hey if it can hold a construction worker hanging off an I-beam with just his hard hat then it can hold my pick guard together. Wrong!! I returned to my trove and pulled out a huge roll of duct tape I got from my grandfather. I started to fix it when I decided to cover the whole pick guard in duct tape. I screwed the guard back in and stepped back to look at my handy work. How cool did it look? It was rock’n like Dokken.
My grandfather was my Yoda of electronics he had all the answers and quick fixes for everything. When he handed it to me he said: “Duct tape is what keeps this world together” and I said: “huh?” I didn’t know what he meant till I was living on my own and everything was falling apart (then again one of my Granddads favorate phrase was “never trust a woman that pays her rent in singles.”). Now you’re probably saying to yourselves “Danny, but what about gaffer’s tape, its pretty damn cool too?” Yes you are right but if you want it to stick and stay there I would stick (get it, stick) with Duct tape.

Here is a list of what I’ve fixed:
In the Home

  • Patch that nasty rusted out pipe underneath the sink.
  • Repair eyeglass frames. (I’ve done this many times)
  • Repair broken sneakers or any footwear
  • Tie up the hands of a kidnap victim
  • Weather-strip windows and doors
  • Tape your fingers to avoid fingerprints
  • Use it as a book cover makes that book indestructible
  • Tape that annoying person’s mouth shut
  • Repair split paperback bookbinding
  • Tape red sticks to a ticking clock for phony bombs
  • Tape all the holes in your computer case so the fan isn’t so loud
  • Tape an extra hard drive inside the case if you’re out of brackets

In the Car

  • Patch radiator hoses.
  • Held up that piece of clear plastic over the busted out window when my car
  • got broken into
  • Patch mufflers or any part of the exhaust
  • Patch the seat covers
  • Patch that crack in the dashboard padding

There is only one thing that Duct tape has failed me on. When I was moving I used duct tape to tape up the cardboard boxes. Bad move, I had books and tchotchke everywhere. It seems that the cardboard is too dusty and the duct tape can’t adhere to it.